Reacting to the Autistic vs Neurotypical Jubilee Middle Ground Episode

From the perspective of a self-diagnosed autistic female

For those who are unaware, there is a popular YouTube channel called Jubilee that has a lot of different videos about a lot of different things. One series that they do is called “Middle Ground,” where two different types of people are brought together to have a discussion. When a prompt is read out loud, everyone who agrees with the statement steps forward, and they talk about why they agree with that statement. Those who disagree are brought into the discussion a bit later and get to offer their thoughts on that particular topic.

I have watched a few of these, though certainly not the majority. One video in the series recently caught my eye in which autistic people and neurotypical people discuss things related to autism, and I thought it would be fun to react to the video here.

Prompt #1: I find the word “disabled” offensive

I disagree with this statement. Personally, I have never seen anything wrong with being disabled or using the word, especially now knowing that I am disabled myself. To me, being disabled means that one has unique challenges that come with having a disability and requires support and accommodation to live a healthy and fulfilling life. It is an adjective that describes a vast and diverse group of people all over the world, and I see it as a neutral label rather than anything offensive or derogatory.

I would even go as far as to say that I think it can be offensive for someone to find the word “disabled” offensive. It can certainly be used in offensive ways, though the word itself simply defines a state of being without any positive or negative connotation. Those who say that the word “disabled” is offensive often have a belief that being disabled makes a person somehow less than non-disabled people, which is an inherently ableist belief.

The discussion of this prompt in the video was very respectful, and I do agree with many of the things that those who agreed said. I think that it is time for society to embrace the word “disabled” and move past the stigma associated with it so that disabled people can get the support we need in order to thrive. As far as my thoughts on the R-word, since a few people touched on that in their responses, I think that it has been used as an offensive word for too long now and should be avoided since it has an extremely negative connotation and has been commonly used to dehumanize disabled people.

Prompt #2: I have trouble making friends

Yes. Yes, I do. I briefly touched on this in my recent post about fantasy books, but I have never been adept at navigating social interactions and human relationships. It was one of the things that consistently showed up on my report cards from school, year after year. Friends were fairly easy to come by in my early childhood years, but I found that it got harder and harder as time went on and I began to notice more differences between myself and the rest of my peers.

Being autistic does play a role in my lack of social skills. One common autistic trait is difficulty in understanding and interpreting non-verbal aspects of communication such as facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and sarcasm. I remember numerous times when something I said was interpreted by others as a hurtful comment even though I had no such intent. There were many times as a child and teenager when I was punished for something even though I had no idea what I did wrong.

When I first found out that words make up the smallest portion of communication, I remember thinking that did not make sense I had always thought that body language referred exclusively to gestures and signs like pointing at something, nodding or shaking one’s head, making the “come here” hand motion, or holding up a hand with the palm facing out to indicate “stop.” It was only while in college that I found out that body language is a much broader category that also includes much more subtle movements and even particular postures that people interpret in a certain way. No wonder I had always felt like I was missing something while speaking to people.

Since my actions were constantly being misinterpreted by those around me, I was labelled as “rude,” “snobbish,” and “apathetic.” This led me to develop intense anxiety in social situations, so I took to keeping my mouth shut as much as possible to not say something wrong. I found that it was much easier for me to be alone than to spend time with people because I was terrified of accidentally hurting someone’s feelings. Like Elsa in Frozen, I believed people should stay away so they would be safe from me.

Watching this segment of the video was honestly a bit emotional for me. I can empathize with the three out of four autistic people who shared their experiences of having trouble making friends because I know what it is like to go through that myself.

Prompt #3: I have looked down on someone for being autistic

I have not. Growing up, I had next to no knowledge of autism and although I heard the word a few times, no one had ever explained to me what it meant. There was one kid who attended the same elementary school as me who was probably autistic. He was quite noticeably different from the other students and frequently engaged in large stimming motions as well as grunting noises and did not speak much. We were in different grades, so I only saw him at recess, and although we never interacted with each other, I felt somewhat of a connection with him.

Both of us did the monkey bars at the playground more than any other student at our school during that time. I loved the feeling of swinging from bar to bar, sometimes skipping one, turning around, or climbing on top. I do not know if there are any studies on this, but I would bet that there is a higher rate of autism among children who love doing the monkey bars than those who do not. If you think about it, doing the monkey bars is a socially acceptable form of stimming for children, so it makes sense that autistic children would gravitate toward it more than allistic children.

Then in grade ten, I had an autistic boy in my English class. He had mentioned in class that he was autistic, though I still did not know what this meant at the time. Despite him being much more talkative than I was, I found that I liked him more than most people I had met. This student was very honest and spoke clearly and straightforwardly which made sense to me, and I never found him annoying even though I am annoyed by the vast majority of people I have met.

Despite living for most of my life with no concept of what it means to be autistic and having very limited experiences with autistic people, I have never once looked down on someone for being autistic. And for those who have looked down on someone for being autistic, the best thing you can do to move past that is to admit it. It is probably not your fault if you have thought of autism as a curse, because there is so much misinformation and fear-mongering propaganda out there which I wrote about in this post.

Prompt #4: Accommodations should be made for autistic people to be included in society

I wholeheartedly agree with this one. Allowing autistic people to use a fidget or wear earplugs can help a lot. The one autistic person who disagreed had an interesting take and said that accommodations should not be necessary for society to include autistic people, which I do agree with and think he has a point. However, I think that given where things are currently at, accommodations are needed to support autistic people and help them feel included.

Prompt #5: Autistic people are not accurately represented in the media

I am probably one of the worst people to answer this prompt because I live under a rock and do not engage with a lot of popular media. That being said, I have read several books with autistic characters, all of which I think did a great job portraying autism.

The first one I read was Daughter of the Deep by Rick Riordan shortly after its release, though I did not know there was an autistic character in the book when I began reading. Since it came out during my first year of college, it was less than a year after finding out that I am autistic. It was kinda crazy because a little while after discovering my autism, I realized that there is so little autistic representation in books and I had the idea that it would be super cool if Rick Riordan wrote a book with an autistic character since he did such a good job of portraying characters with other types of neurodiversities. Honestly, though, I never thought it would happen, and certainly not as soon as it did. So, when the book mentioned that Ester, one of the protagonist’s close friends is autistic, I actually cried. She is so well-written, and if you have not read the book, you really need to! There was an autistic sensitivity reader for the book as well, so it is an amazing example of a realistic and non-stereotypical autistic character in a children’s novel.

Since then, the books with autistic characters I have read are On the Edge of Gone, The Many Mysteries of the Finkel Family, Get a Grip, Vivy Cohen!, The Gilded Wolves (trilogy), A Kind of Spark, Social Queue, The View from the Very Best House in Town, and Something More. All but two of these are written by autistic authors, and even the ones that are not still do an excellent job of depicting autism. A Kind of Spark was even adapted into a TV show that I watched this year and ended up loving more than the book. The book’s author was involved in the show’s making, and autistic actors play the autistic characters. If you are looking for a fun and sweet children’s show with autism representation in females, I would recommend watching it which you can do for free here.

However, I know that there are a lot of negative portrayals of autism in the media. The discussion of this prompt touched on the “autism media stereotype,” where autistic people are only shown as white males who are either geniuses or nonspeaking individuals. Many of these portrayals are done by actors who are not themselves autistic, something that is generally regarded as offensive and insulting by autistic people.

Another thing that people brought up in the video is when autism is used as a plot device, and the autistic character has to learn to “get over their autism” or become more like a “normally functioning person.” These types of stories are harmful because they carry the undergirding assumption that autism is a bad thing and that autistic traits should be suppressed instead of embraced. There is so much more to autistic people than just being autistic, and we deserve to have our stories told.

There is certainly a long way to go in terms of autistic representation in the media, though things are getting better. As societal acceptance of autism increases, people are beginning to realize that autism comes in many more varieties than the one they might have seen on TV.

Prompt #6: It’s better for autistic people to date within the community

I know nothing about dating. Not only have I never been in such a relationship, but I also have no interest in ever entering into one, as I am asexual and aromantic. As far as this prompt goes, I would disagree as I do not support segregation, disability-based or otherwise.

There are some benefits to both people in a romantic relationship being autistic, as they can understand each other and connect on a deep level that would be harder in a relationship where one person is neurotypical. Hearing about Abbey’s relationship with her autistic boyfriend David in the video was honestly so sweet. Having a romantic relationship between an autistic person and an allistic person would come with challenges and probably be more difficult, though it is absolutely possible.

Prompt #7: Autism can be a strength

Totally agree. Autism comes with strengths as well as weaknesses and focusing on one at the expense of the other creates an inaccurate representation of what it is to be autistic. A main strength of autistic people is our ability to remember odd little details relating to our special interests. I have always loved Bible trivia questions, and I think that my autism is one of the reasons why I am so good at that. Autistic people can often memorize things easily such as lyrics to a song or quotes from a book or movie.

Another strength commonly seen in autistic people is our honesty. Of course, being honest can get us into trouble at times, but it can also be a good thing. Additionally, autistic people tend to be very detail-oriented and able to notice things that others may not. So, yes, autism is a disability but it can also be a strength.

Final Thoughts

The video was quite interesting and I found myself agreeing with many of the things that were said. Of all of the participants, I disagreed with Abbey’s mom the most. She made some comments saying that people should not seek out an autism diagnosis as adults and that autism is becoming an online trend. Saying these types of things invalidates the experience of late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed autistic adults such as myself. It was only through information on the internet that I was able to find out I am autistic, and without it, I would still be trying and failing to live up to neurotypical standards.